• *me flushing the toilet at night*
  • toilet: BBRRRSSHHGGGHHTTFFFH
  • me: chill

epikalia:

kanyewesticle:

Look at all those ducks there are at least ten

Well, you’re not wrong.

epikalia:

kanyewesticle:

Look at all those ducks there are at least ten

Well, you’re not wrong.


kristantinople:

hotwing:

imagine the SOUND of someone walking down the street wearing those


THWAP click THWAP click

kristantinople:

hotwing:

imagine the SOUND of someone walking down the street wearing those

THWAP click THWAP click


quentintortellini:

pen pals with benefits


fully-baked:

This nigga just copped a super Mario star he invincible af nah but forreal tho somebody explain this

fully-baked:

This nigga just copped a super Mario star he invincible af
 nah but forreal tho somebody explain this


stilinskillme:

remember when Cosmo didn’t tell Mama Cosma he married Wanda so when he went to see her he told her he was out getting milk for the past 10,000 years


jeanmarcoing:

did that fucker just jump on water is this fucking cat jesus


omgtsn:

officialprincewilliam:

are you sick of washing your underpants every goddamned week? i should fucking hope so what a pain in the ass. wouldn’t you like to just not worry about washing your grimy undies for a whole shitstain-free year? well stick a dryer sheet up my butt because you’re in luck. for just 4,000 motherfucking dollars you can forget about touching that ass-cloth for 365 glorious days. every day is a fresh new day for your hairy butt cheeks. and once 2015 rolls around, you’ll have a years worth of dirty underwear to wash you piece of shit.

did cr1tikal write this review

omgtsn:

officialprincewilliam:

are you sick of washing your underpants every goddamned week? i should fucking hope so what a pain in the ass. wouldn’t you like to just not worry about washing your grimy undies for a whole shitstain-free year? well stick a dryer sheet up my butt because you’re in luck. for just 4,000 motherfucking dollars you can forget about touching that ass-cloth for 365 glorious days. every day is a fresh new day for your hairy butt cheeks. and once 2015 rolls around, you’ll have a years worth of dirty underwear to wash you piece of shit.

did cr1tikal write this review


poorhornycat:

sunscorchx:

Somebody tried to stump this squid by putting it in front of a background that its camouflage mechanisms could never hope to imitate…
So it turned itself transparent.

stick it to the man, Squid.

poorhornycat:

sunscorchx:

Somebody tried to stump this squid by putting it in front of a background that its camouflage mechanisms could never hope to imitate…

So it turned itself transparent.

stick it to the man, Squid.


ethelreds:

people who unironically use multiple exclamation points in texts are the cutest fucking thing omfg.   even mundane things are made cuter like “just got on the bus!!!! will be home soon!!!”   like yeAH UR ON THE BUS U BIG CUTIE.  I WILL SEE U AT HOME.  LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET.   


officalsquidward:

totally-not-superboy:

smallpox:

instead of taking birth control you can have sex at night bc the sperm are asleep + you won’t get pregnant

Are you a U.S. senator?

If you have sex with the lights off, the sperm won’t know where to go! And you won’t get pregnant


gasstrodon:

the dog days are over, the cat days are beginning


koschei-the-ginger:

karkat-barakat:

So yesterday I got bored so I made a Facebook account for an egg

image

And I friended a bunch of my friends and some strangers and posted some really dumb Facebook updates

image

And people started messaging me so I responded

imageimageimageimage

And one person proposed to me

imageimageimage

And then she blocked me so I made a status about it

image

Holy shell I need a life

why does an Egg have better social life than me


printerssuck:

printerssuck:

image


beautifrei:

offside-goal:

Omg chill

this is some airbending shit right here

beautifrei:

offside-goal:

Omg chill

this is some airbending shit right here